"It just left me in a hollow, empty, isolated place" : Mandy Moore recalls her first marriage to Ryan Adams

Mandy Moore talked about her decision to get married "very young" at the age of 24.

'This Is Us' actor revealed how her own parents' relationship influenced her to marry her first husband, Ryan Adams, in 2009. The pair split in 2015 and officially divorced in 2016.

"I think it was like, a direct response to my parents splitting up and they had been together obviously since they were like 16 or something and I was so heartbroken and I believe that I found myself in a relationship with somebody that I was like, 'Oh, I can make a family with this person for this person,'" she said on the latest episode of the Dinners on Me podcast. "And it just was not the right situation by any means. But I also think it happened at a time where I was like, 'I am ready to power everything down.'"Moore added that it seemed like "a perfectly appropriate time to get married and focus on this very personal, quiet chapter in my life and ultimately like, it just left me in a hollow, empty, isolated place."

Moore also discussed how her life has changed after the end of her first marriage, including finding love with her husband Taylor Goldsmith, whom she married in 2018 and had boys August Gus Harrison, 2, and Oscar Ozzie Bennett Goldsmith, 15 months.

She said, "It's so weird because I think back to that chapter and it almost feels like it was someone else entirely that it happened to because I'm in such a different place in my life, and I'm married and I have children," she shared. "And it's almost like how did I ever do that? How did I ever find myself in that place where I allowed myself to be treated that way and that I viewed myself that way?"

"The feeling of belittling yourself or making yourself as small as possible to make others around you feel as comfortable as possible was something that started obviously at a young age for me and continued through that very unhealthy relationship that I was in," she continued.

Moore said that she feels like that experience happened to "an entirely different person [that] I don't recognize; I don't relate to it all."

"I can't even put myself in those shoes again, it's strange," she added. "I'm so grateful for that experience. I'm grateful for all it taught me and where it brought me and ultimately it led me to finding this incredible partner."

Moore has already spoken openly about her experiences as Adams' wife. In a 2019 New York Times article, she was one of seven women who accused Adams of being manipulative, controlling, and obsessed.

Moore told the New York Times that her ex-husband took command of her music career in 2010, three years after they first met when she was 23. She claimed he "discouraged" her from working with other producers and managers, but when they wrote songs together, Adams would "replace her with other female artists" when it came time to record them.

She also said he was "psychologically abusive" and belittled her musical abilities. "His controlling behaviour essentially did block my ability to make new connections in the industry during a very pivotal and potentially lucrative time -- my entire mid-to-late 20s," Moore told the Times.

Adams refuted Moore's charges through his lawyer, Andrew B Brettler, stating her "characterization" of their relationship is "completely inconsistent with his view."

Moore spoke exclusively with People about her six-year marriage and moving on from a difficult divorce the same year it was finalized. "My story deviated in a different direction than I expected," Moore said of her split. "But ultimately, life is about being happy and fulfilled and sometimes that means making hard choices."

Through it all, she tried not to wallow in the pain.

"There are moments of being curled up in a ball on the floor," Moore admitted. "It's really hard. But I've moved on and progressed in the stages of grief and being angry and feeling the loss and all that. I do believe things happen for a reason. And I think I had that mantra moving through the trying times, "reported People. (ANI)